Many of us struggle to get things done – whether that’s a long term work project or simply folding the laundry (ok, maybe especially folding the laundry).

There are many wonderful motivational speakers and resources that offer anything from gentle encouragement to a proverbial kick in the rear to help folks accomplish their goals. I am not one of these people, and this is not a motivational article.

This is about the things we need besides motivation to accomplish a goal, and how to make those things work for you. 

We can’t stop habits from forming and nor do we want to!  Habits help us!  Habits are great when they work for us and not against us.  Whenever we want to change our routines, we need to change our habits.  This is especially true every time there’s a change in season or a change in routine.  Think back to the end of August and the beginning of September.  There’s a lot of change in a couple short weeks.  Not having habits and routines that support you can make changing things harder than it needs to be.

Changing habits can be as easy as making the new habit easy or making something we want to stop doing more difficult.  As humans, we naturally gravitate towards easy over hard - let that work for you in this case!

Personally, I am currently pursuing a degree in Health Sciences. Navigating my path back to academia as a mature learner has introduced its own set of challenges, including the delicate juggling act of harmonizing work, family commitments, and scholarly pursuits. I've also had to embrace the task of acquainting myself with emerging technologies, all the while recognizing that my ability to absorb copious volumes of new information is not quite as swift as it once was.

Incorporating the demands of learning into an already busy life has compelled me to become very efficient in learning and coursework. I have been intentional in creating study habits that give me the best chance of staying on top of coursework and being successful in exams.

Our lives are run by habit. We wouldn’t be able to do the majority of the things we do in the day without habits. This doesn’t make habits wrong, right, good, bad, healthy, unhealthy… Habits simply are. Habits by nature are subconscious and exist solely to respond to different stimuli (pop over and read How Habits Affect Your Life if you want to understand why habits better).

"Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity." - Health as defined by the World Health Organization

I've come to believe that if I want to thrive, I must invest in my health. If I want to merely survive, I can treat health as an expense and treat symptoms as they arise.  For years I treated my health as an expense and opted for the cheapest solution.  I struggled with iron deficiency anemia, chronic fatigue syndrome, debilitating periods and more.  Unlike most practitioners, I understand chronic illness and the struggles it creates because I’ve lived with it.

Living with a chronic illness is an immense challenge that affects millions of people worldwide. Traditional medical treatments often focus on managing symptoms, but what if there was an alternate approach that could tap into the mind's innate healing abilities? Hypnosis is a therapeutic technique that employs the power of suggestion and deep relaxation to alleviate symptoms and improve the overall well-being of individuals with chronic illnesses.

Couples counselling is always a learning experience for all parties. I wanted to offer a glimpse behind-the-scenes of couples counselling, but that is a tall order! Each session, each couple, is so unique; that processes vary tremendously. 

So, here are a few surprising lessons that I’ve seen couples learn during relationship counselling. 

All these ‘psychs’ are confusing!

When you’re looking for help for yourself, or a loved one, it may feel like mental health services have their own language. All the different terms for therapies, professional designations and various agencies/centres can be frustrating and discouraging. 

I am here to set the record straight. I am going to provide you with some insight into each of these professions, with a combination of facts as well as my experience working with each of these healthcare practitioners.

When I was a child, I used to beg my parents for a pet; sadly, they never gave in.  However, I found a way around that!  I started babysitting our neighbours pets when they were away, this began a lifelong love of cats (and the occasional dog).

Little did I know then what a profound effect having pets would have on me.

My husband and I currently have four cats - Jane, Darcy, Toes and Lizzie.  They each have such unique personalities and quirks.  I truly can’t imagine life without them.

In honour of International Pi/Mathematics day, I would like to do an experiment with you where we imagine two different scenarios. 

First, imagine somebody has made you a pie. You appreciate the gesture and set the pie on your counter. You’re on a diet and not allowed to eat pie. Maybe you’re not on a specific diet, but you don’t think pie is good for you or you’re concerned about the amount of sugar and carbs in it. Throughout the day, you walk past the pie and are tempted to eat a piece, but restrain yourself and don’t. By the end of the day, you say what the heck and decide to quickly shovel a piece in your mouth. Quick and dirty, you get it over with so you can stop thinking about it. Do you feel guilty that you ate a piece? Do you beat yourself up for not having more willpower? Did you even really taste the pie? Did you end up eating another piece or 2 so you could actually taste the pie? Maybe you ate it and moved on with your day, not giving it much more thought.

Deciding to go to therapy is a huge decision that requires courage. So, when you see the fees associated with therapy, it’s hard not to feel dismay and dread.

You start to think….“You charge how much?”, “ An hour is actually 50 minutes?”, and “ You suggest I see you every week?” After some quick mental math, you may think to yourself, “I am in the wrong line of work. I should have been a therapist, and I would be rolling in dough!”. 

Believe me -you are not alone in having this line of thinking. In fact, that hourly rate creates tension for all parties involved (we know the financial realities of Canadians). 

For anyone who’s ever taken a flight, you’ve all heard the safety demonstration telling you to put your own oxygen mask on first, before you help others to do the same. This doesn’t just apply to flights, emergencies and cabin pressure changes.

The reality is, that as women, we need to learn to put our own oxygen masks on everyday.

Recently, I’ve heard from several women that they’re putting themselves last.  Some want to make a change and put themselves first and others have said that they “don’t exist” until a certain point because they’re so overwhelmed by life, the demands on their time and energy, as well as everything else that’s happening on a daily basis. This also includes caring for their loved one.

“I’m so bad”, she states as she reaches for a cookie. “No I can’t, I’m trying to be good” as she declines an offer of a homemade muffin. We’ve all heard these phrases, and have probably said them, or something similar, ourselves. When we pause to reflect on these phrases, we can discern how we’re assigning moral value to food choices. Letting what we eat determine whether we’re “good” or “bad”. Our worth is not based on which foods we choose to eat or choose not to eat. 

As Canadians, our mental health can dive during the winter months.“About 15% of people in Canada experience the winter blues, while only about 2-3% of people in Canada experience SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)” (Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 2000).

If that doesn’t sound like a lot, that’s about 5,737,500 Canadians experiencing the winter blues yearly! So, how can counselling or therapy help with that?

Habits aren’t something that most people think about regularly until you’re trying to make a change. Habits, by nature, are subconscious and exist in response to specific stimuli. This is also called ‘Cue, Routine, Reward’ in Charles Duhigg’s book The Power of Habit.

“Habits are the compound interest of self improvement.” ~ James Clear (Atomic Habits)

By definition, habits are repeated actions or behaviours that you do with such frequency that you may not be aware of them. You might find yourself in the middle of the action or have even completed it before you realize what you are doing.

Throughout my career, I have asked clients about their goals: hundreds of clients, hundreds of goals. There is one answer that wins the majority, by landslide. The answer I typically get is “ I just want to be happy”. I hear this reply so often, it’s hard to remember if I’ve heard anything else in response.

If this is a goal you have set for yourself, the biggest obstacle in reaching this goal is your brain. This magnificent, complex, poorly understood organ. It is evolution's greatest marvel. It is the reason we have survived and evolved over millennia.

Ever wonder why you have a great sleep one night and then a less than stellar sleep another night?

Do you struggle to get even a decent night’s sleep? Have you got your bedroom optimized and your bedtime routine down and you’re still struggling?

What you do during the day has a profound effect on how well you sleep each night!

Have you ever told yourself to remember not to do something, only to do it anyway?

A number of years ago, I took a college course that required a final exam. As my children were still young, I arranged to drop them off with my parents on the day of the exam. I had, coincidently, misplaced my spare car key.

So, driving the children to my parent’s house, anxious about this exam to begin with, and now concerned about losing my remaining car key, I reminded myself over and over, “don’t lock the keys in the car… don’t lock the keys in the car...” And of course, that is exactly what I ended up doing – I walked the children into their grandparent’s house and came back out to find I had locked the car and left the keys in the ignition.

As I tell my clients, “if self-care feels like just another thing you have to do, you're doing it wrong”.

There are many ways of taking care of yourself; getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, etc. But I think many of us are missing a really important part of self-care.

Sleep is not self-indulgence or self-care. Sleep is a basic human need that’s critical to our health, well-being and self-preservation!

While I know I started the last sleep article with this same quote, it really is that important that we make sleep a priority.

It’s not accidental that we will spend approximately ⅓ of our lives sleeping.

Our bodies are really very busy when we sleep! Our bodies need this time to be able to heal, integrate everything that happened during the day, create new memories, reset our digestive system and so much more.